I think we can agree that desiring attention for oneself is largely a function of youth and inexperience. Oh, there are exceptions, to be sure, but there is something about the wisdom that comes with age that dictates a reversal in spotlight thinking.
When I was young I wanted people to notice me.
Now I don't.
So it doesn't help that so much of what determines success these days is the ability to put oneself out there.
In front of people.
When I no longer desire attention. When so much of our society is clamoring for it. When it would be good to keep another voice out of the cacophony of opinions, witticisms, and strident perspectives.
During the fourteen years I was in radio news, I had no problem stepping out on that stage. I was raised to believe my voice mattered, that my contribution to this planet was dynamic! Looking back, I was rather uninhibited, both in thought and manner, a free spirit of sorts. Not only was I mostly unconcerned with what people thought of what I said on-air (I was never inappropriate or vulgar), but if I am being honest, I was very concerned about the attention I received. I loved it!
Now, not so much.
But I'm learning to deal with it. Because this afternoon is my first official local book signing in the Kansas City area and people will be coming to talk about my book and to have me sign it. And I will have to be there.
Getting a little attention.
For goodness' sake.
And it occurred to me this morning as I drove a daughter to swim team practice, that this afternoon will be weird. It could be uncomfortable.
It unsettles that the whole affair could feel a little like a surprise party, where I'm opening gifts, encouraging attentiveness. The trouble is, though the gifts are fun, I don't like surprise parties! I'm not exactly keen on having people watching me open gifts!
This isn't about me, however. It's never been about me. Though MILK AND HONEY LAND is a memoir, though it may seem about me, it's never really been my story--apart from God's anyway.
This is all about Him, my story as part of HIStory. And I hope that is where perspective and participation will be today.
In that way, I must resolve to find joy in the gifts I'll find and open today. In that way, it really will be like a party.
His. Always His. But His gifts are always for us.
That is SO exciting!
I may have to eat cake today.